Papa Davies says he’s really inspired by Jordan being on stage and doing what he wants to do, whilst Jordan giggles that his mother often jokes that he’s a product of an affair with the binman. Jordan tells us that he has chosen not to follow in his father terrifying man-hulk footsteps, and instead wants to be a pop star. As opposed to the world cyborg bodybuilding champion, who is currently Cher. Papa Davies is in fact the world natural bodybuilding champion. (*Monkseal deletes several paragraphs of recap*) Jordan tells us that we might think he looks skinny and childlike, but his dad could well beat us up if we say mean things about him on the Internet, so watch it. Well that certainly would have made that movie very…different. ![]() His name is Jordan Lee Davies, and he tells us that he’s come with his mum and bodyguard/dad. I think the eliminations on Strictly would only be improved if Jessie J was wandering around behind the couples going “woooOOOOHoooohoOOOOHooooh” whilst shaking her boobies like the Victoria Wood “Two Soups” sketch. Whilst Jessie shimmies her tits and makes a noise like a levitating ghost-mirror. To hype the suspense, Danny gets the audience to chant (Reveal : page 17 contains a contract for your immortal soul, pre-signed by Evil Moira Ross.) William becomes more and more like one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books every day. Anyway Jamie complains that it’s so HARD for him to choose between two industry legends, so William says he’ll make it easy for Jamie. Tom’s also done a lot to bring back the Corduroy jacket, but you don’t hear anyone mention that. Jamie says that it’s such an honour to have William and Tom turn for him, as they’ve done so much for the British and American music industries. What did you think he was going to do with it Tom? Add a dubstep breakdown? He reiterates that he’s the only one for Jamie, and Jessie drones “and he won last year”, utterly disinterestedly. Tom for his part reassures Jamie that he loved him from the first note, and only waited so long to turn because he wanted to see what Jamie would do with the rest of the song. William tells Jamie that he should pick him as his coach, as he is super-honest, and has nothing to hide, “except the things that I need to hide”. How tall Danny O’Donoghue is has now officially been mentioned more times this series than Leanne Mitchell has. Jessie coos further that that’s taller even than Danny! Yes, that’s right, how tall one of the judges is is now a running storyline. Jamie Bruce replies that indeed, he is 6ft 5 of MAN. Once they’ve turned around, Jessie J has a good gawpĪnd coos about how he’s REALLY TALL. Jamie Bruce continues to look like he’s about to shove model turned autistic super-genius turned woobie Dr Spencer Reid down a flight of stairs. William turns during the early part (I would), and Tom turns during the closing parts (I wouldn’t), the other two bob around and pull faces as usual, but don’t. It’s not a bad effort, but as is usually the case with reality tv singers ploughing this particular furrow, he’s running at 95% to 100% during the slow build-up, but by the passionate climax he sounds like he’s assaulting his vocal chords with a buzzsaw. WHADDASHOCK! What did Otis Redding do to deserve this? Yes, Jamie Bruce is continuing doggedly in the template for reality tv success laid down by Steve Brookstein, and is doing blue-eyed soul. As he’s turned up wearing a flat cap and is measuring 2.1 on the pretension scale, let’s try and guess what genre Jamie Bruce is going to be singing… He’d rather continue as he is, loving his lady Music, than become just another 9 to 5 landscape gardener. I’d check what’s in that carpet, and I’d have a gun ready is all I’m saying.Īnyway, Jamie drones on about how having four jobs shows he’s really dedicated to music, because if he picked one career he’d just wind up trapped, man. Jamie Bruce carries out all these jobs in the most sinister manner possible, somewhat akin to the Psycho Of The Week on an episode of Criminal Minds. It’s also the episode where the show becomes unaccountably obsessed with what job everyone has, as amply demonstrated by Auditionee #1, Jamie Bruce who isĪ chef, a gardener, a builder, a carpet-fitter, a child, a mother, a sinner, a saint, and he does not feel ashamed. ![]() Anyway, it’s about to become increasingly apparent that this is the episode where they’re going to shove all the auditions that they don’t really know what to do with, but which can’t by dint of editing fit in with next week’s “ZOMG THE TEAMS ARE NEARLY FULL, EVERY AUDITION IS VITAL!” narrative.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |